How Do You Measure A Year?
by RappAddict
Summary: After Roger leaves, Mark waits for him but he never shows. He turns to Maureen for companionship and gets a little more than he expected. Now they're dating and going off to college. Sequel to And It's Beginning To. I do NOT own RENT, Jonathan Larson does
1. Chapter 1

How Do You Measure A Year?15/06/2007 21:08:00

Chapter 1: In Daylights

Mark POV

525,600 minutes, 8,760 hours, 365 days, 12 months, 4 seasons- 1 year. That's how long Roger had been gone. In that time Collins had gone to MIT, me and Maureen became more than friends after having no word from Roger for 5 months, and Collins became HIV positive…

That's when I needed him most. Tom Collins- who I had known since junior high was basically given a death sentence. Except with a death sentence you usually have an idea of when you will be killed, Collins could go at any time…and none of us knew when it would be. Usually being the glue of the group and the strong one, I held to my title and didn't shed one tear seen by Mo or Collins. But at night, when another day passed without a call or a letter, I felt like my façade would crumble and everyone would see how scared and insecure I really was. My mask would fade and then who would I be?

Somehow, I made it through though. I don't know how I did, but finally Collins accepted his disease and got some medicine- AZT I think he calls it.

Now me and Maureen were graduating. From here I was going to Brown and Maureen was going to NYU. We decided not to break up that New York and Rhode Island weren't terribly far away and we could make this work. Of course the last time someone said they'd never break up with me, I was left in the middle of a street crying.

Daylight came and a genuine smile swept across my face. Today was the day of truth. If Roger didn't come today then I would probably never see him again. He had to come, true love never really dies after all. I threw on my clothes and then my gown, grabbing my cap with the tassel attached as I headed out to pick up Mo. Today he would be here. He just had to.

I scanned the crowd one last time before we marched down the aisle. I caught glimpses of my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and countless other relatives…but the one person I wanted to see was still no accounted for.

I went through all the motions. I smiled as I marched down the aisle and sat with my classmates through speech after speech, acting as though I was listening intently to their advice. I walked across the stage when my name was said, I took my diploma and shook a plethora of hands. I flipped my tassel, and through my hat up in the air after exiting the auditorium. All I felt inside was numbness, but at least I went through the actions.

I stepped into Doffey Hall and immediately was assaulted by the smell of sweat and beer. _Might as well get used to it, I'll be living here for the next year. _I found Room 409 and opened the door cautiously. I was greeted by an African-American guy about my age dressed in a blue sweater vest and khaki Dockers.

"You must be Mark!" He greeted me warmly.

I nodded.

"Benjamin Coffin the third." He extended his hand.

"Mark Cohen…the only." I said shaking his hand.

Benjamin laughed heartily and pushed aside a few of his boxes making a pathway to a bed.

"So I already kind of claimed that bed and dresser, is that alright?"

"Yeah, yeah of course." I said looking around the room.

It was dimly lit, but that could be cured with a few lamps. And there was a window with a view of the campus that was quite nice. Though small, it was plenty of room for two guys to live in.

"So what are you majoring in?" Benjamin asked eagerly.

"I'm thinking about Photography or Film…but my dad wants me to major in medicine or business." I said making sure to express my feelings on medicine and business by my tone. "You?"

"Business." He said taking out some clothes from a box and laying them neatly in a drawer.

"Oh."

"With a minor in Film Production."

"Oh!"

"I hope to open an arts studio someday for film-makers, singers, actors, you know."

"Yeah. That sounds awesome!"

"Thanks."

I glanced once more around the room and decided to unload later. I headed for the door but was stopped by Benjamin asking, "where ya going?" He looked a bit panicked, like a child being left at daycare for the first time.

"My girlfriend's moving into NYU, so I'm going to go see if she needs any help."

"Oh." He said, not masking his sad expression.

"Do you wanna come and meet her? I mean, you might as well since you'll be seeing a lot of her I'm sure." I asked.

"Yeah, sure." He answered with a tentative smile.

"Marky!" Maureen ran into my arms as soon as we arrived at her dorm. She had called me as soon as she got her room number and we exchanged information so we could visit each other as soon as possible. I glanced around her to see more than a few guys unloading boxes and bringing up more boxes from her car.

"Oh, I see you already have help getting your stuff unpacked." I said nodded towards the burly guys unloading pink curtains.

Maureen turned back to the guys and said, "oh yeah, these guys were just around and they offered to help me. Thanks guys!" She said a little louder. "You've been a huge help!"

They all smiled and muttered that it was their pleasure, that they'd see her around campus and then headed out.

"It's so sweet of you to come help me Pookie!" She exclaimed wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Yeah, especially since you don't need it." I joked wrapping one arm around her and the other motioning to Benjamin. "This is Benjamin Coffin the third. Benjamin, this is Maureen Johnson."

Benjamin gave a polite smile and reached out to shake her hand. Mo just cocked one eyebrow and shook his hand quickly.

"Pleased to meet you Maureen."

"You too Benny boy."

"It's Benjamin." He corrected.

"Whatever Benny." She rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to me. "Is it a long drive?"

"Oh, not really." I lied. "Of course, nothing's long enough to keep me away from you."

"Aw Marky!" She kissed my cheek. "You're the best!"

I saw 'Benny' check his watch and remembering that we had another three-hour ride to get back to Brown, I reluctantly let go of my girlfriend.

"Well, since you're already unpacked, we should probably get back."

Maureen pouted and I gave her a sympathetic smile.

"I'm sorry sweetie, but I really hafta go."

"Well, hey, maybe I can help you?" She searched for a way to stay with me.

"Tell ya what- tomorrow I'll come over after my 8 am class and you can come see my dorm and everything at Brown, ok?" I asked kissing her forehead.

"Fine." She agreed. "But call me tonight, okay Pookie?"

I nodded, she gave me a quick kiss and me and 'Benny' hit the road again.

"So that was your girlfriend?"

"Yep, that's Maureen. Whadja think of her?"

"Drama major?"

"Yeah…" I said skeptically.

"She's…" He searched for words. "Not afraid to be bold."

"Oh yeah." I agreed.

Benny laughed and then asked. "Pookie?"

I blushed and countered with, "what's wrong with pet names Benny boy?"

"Touche."

"Oh Mark, your dorm is so much bigger than mine!" Mo exclaimed as soon as she walked into my room.

"No, it's not." I disputed.

"Yeah- it is."

"Whatever." I gave up, knowing she would eventually win.

I showed Mo around campus, or what little I knew of campus, and then retreated back to the dorm to 'chill'. However, Benny claimed he was studying despite my remark that it was only the first day, and after Maureen had sufficiently annoyed him, she decided to catch a bus back to NYU so she could finish decorating her room.

"So you two are dating?" Benny asked looking up from his book.

"Yeah…"

"So she'll be over here a lot?"

"Oh yeah."

"G-reat."

"Don't worry, she grows on you after a while." I shrugged, laying back on my bed.

"I'm not the kind of person you 'grow on'." Benny said, a slight chill in his voice.

"Okay…" This would be an interesting year.

Chapter 2: In Sunsets

Roger POV

21 gigs, 19 new songs, 3 sour relationships, 2 new bassists- 1 year. That's how long it had been since I left everything behind to start my new life. I didn't count the days or hours, all I knew was that it was too damn long. I looked out from our scummy apartment at the sun setting over the Chicago skyline. The buildings basked in the soft glow making their gray exteriors change to orange and pink. I wondered where he was right now. I had thought about writing, and I had even picked up the phone to call a few times but I knew that if I heard his voice it would be all over. I would go home and my dream would die. Now the band, The Well Hungarians we had finally adopted, were on a roll. We were playing at CBGBs tomorrow. The gig of a lifetime.

I plucked a few strings and sang, "heal me, I'm heartsick, I'm lonely and I'm broken."

"New song babe?" The bleached blonde beside me asked.

"Huh? Oh…yeah."

"Sounds sad." She remarked.

"It is."

"Are you sad?" She pried, staring into my eyes. What was her name again? Mindy? Mandy? Candy? No- Randy! That was it!

Her brown eyes looked up at me questioningly. Brown. Not sultry or deep, just brown. I remembered the brown of Mo's eyes- how they had always had so much life behind them. How there was a ring of dark green around the light, caramel brown iris. Beautiful brown. As much as we didn't get along, I had to admit- she was beautiful. And then there were Mark's eyes…

"Are ya?" Randy interrupted my thoughts.

"What do you think?" I said giving her a fake smile.

"No, I don't think you're sad." She said with a grin, laying her head on my shoulder.

And she was right, I wasn't sad. I was miserable.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: So I know I said I wasn't going to post my sequel til October and I'm still kind of holding to that rule, so this is a teaser. I plan on making each chapter in one point of view. So please read and tell me how you like the beginning. Chapter 2: In Sunsets

Roger POV

21 gigs, 19 new songs, 3 sour relationships, 2 new bassists- 1 year. That's how long it had been since I left everything behind to start my new life. I didn't count the days or hours, all I knew was that it was too damn long. I looked out from our scummy apartment at the sun setting over the Chicago skyline. The buildings basked in the soft glow making their gray exteriors change to orange and pink. I wondered where he was right now. I had thought about writing, and I had even picked up the phone to call a few times but I knew that if I heard his voice it would be all over. I would go home and my dream would die. Now the band, The Well Hungarians we had finally adopted, were on a roll. We were playing at CBGBs tomorrow. The gig of a lifetime.

I plucked a few strings and sang, "heal me, I'm heartsick, I'm lonely and I'm broken."

"New song babe?" The bleached blonde beside me asked.

"Huh? Oh…yeah."

"Sounds sad." She remarked.

"It is."

"Are you sad?" She pried, staring into my eyes. What was her name again? Mindy? Mandy? Candy? No- Randy! That was it!

Her brown eyes looked up at me questioningly. Brown. Not sultry or deep, just brown. I remembered the brown of Mo's eyes- how they had always had so much life behind them. How there was a ring of dark green around the light, caramel brown iris. Beautiful brown. As much as we didn't get along, I had to admit- she was beautiful. And then there were Mark's eyes…

"Are ya?" Randy interrupted my thoughts.

"What do you think?" I said giving her a fake smile.

"No, I don't think you're sad." She said with a grin, laying her head on my shoulder.

And she was right, I wasn't sad. I was miserable.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: In Midnights

Mark POV

It was midnight. Roger and I were under a blanket of stars, just us. No one else in the world- only us, and only this. His arms were around me and my head was buried in his chest. I could hear the beating of his heart and the steady rise and fall of his chest. There was always something so intimate to me about hearing a person's heart beat, so I closed my eyes and left his heartbeat lull me to sleep.

He had never left, and he never would. He would always be right here with me. His arms would always be there to fall into after a long day and his lips would always whisper encouraging words after a rough time. He would always…

"Mr. Cohen? Mr. Cohen!"

"Huh? What?" I woke up from my all too perfect and pleasant daydream.

"The integral of 2-87y+10?"

"Oh- it's 2y-87y2/2 +10y."

"Thank you, maybe you should try to help the others around you that don't understand the material so well instead of catching up on your sleep Mr. Cohen?"

"Yes Dr. Newmark. I'm sorry." I focused my eyes on the board, while my mind went other places. I could at least provide the illusion that I was listening. Calculus 2 was just too easy…

Why couldn't relationships be as simple? Why couldn't you just take the integral of love, and combine that with the derivative of the situation and get the answer to solve all your problems? If only life was like math…

Over the last few weeks, Benny and I had become friends. It turned out that we liked the same bands and movies, and even had some of the same aspirations. Our schedules weren't terribly far apart, and we ate most of our meals together.

After hours of boredom, I finally (but painstakeningly) got out Roger's parting gift and put it to use filming random things around campus. It became the best part of my day just wondering around Providence, capturing every moment, which would have otherwise been forgotten, on film. Of course the added bonus of getting my mind off of Roger was nice also.

I visited Maureen every weekend and sometimes surprised her during the week, but she never visited me. She claimed that the 'yuppie scum' that occupied my dorm room creeped her out, and despite my confidence that Maureen would grow on Benny, he never really enjoyed her presence and by not enjoyed I mean he would throw random things at her whenever she entered.

The dining halls were…well, dining halls. Anyone who ate there on a daily basis had a death wish, so I bought a lot of stuff at stores and made my own meals: sandwiches, salads, anything microwavable that didn't look plastic.

Classes were about the same as they were in high school, except there were more people in them and the teachers weren't nearly as nurturing or caring. My classes consisted of: Calculus 2, Chemistry, National Government, Expository Writing, and Physical Education: Tennis. I was on the path to becoming a doctor or a lawyer, just like my parents wanted…and that was okay with me. After all, what else would I do? Roger was long gone, and with him my hope of ever becoming a true artist or ever loving again. I loved Maureen sure, and I loved the things I did with Maureen- after all I was a guy and I had needs. I couldn't imagine my life without her, but I also couldn't imagine being married to her or starting a family with her. But my parents liked her, Cindy liked her and I had no reason to rock the boat since Roger was never coming back…right?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:In Cups of Coffee

Roger POV

We had left last night for New York, and the whole band was psyched. Going back to play for your hometown crowd after you became famous was what every musician could hope for. Of course, we weren't exactly famous…but we were close enough. And the Lower East side of New York wasn't exactly home…but it was also close enough.

"Can you believe this man?" Jesse punched me in the arm. "Going home after a year- being rockstars!" Jesse grinned.

"Yeah, it's big Jess." I yawned.

"Big? This is huge!" He half-yelled, waving his arms around like a lunatic.

I smiled, wishing Jesse could bottle up his enthusiasm for later that night. I pulled my baseball cap over my face and tried to drift off to sleep…of course Jesse wouldn't have it that way.

"So, we have the song list and- oh my God- how many people do you think will be there- what are we going to wear- and-"

I wrapped one arm around his neck and placed my hand firmly over his mouth. "We have five hours Jesse, so we will decide all of that later. But now, now is rest time, okay?" I said releasing him from my grasp.

Jesse sighed but nodded confirmation and I glanced out of the bus window, seeing the city's silhouette in the distance. I grabbed an iced coffee from our mini-fridge and forced the bitter liquid filled with caffeine into my mouth. Might as well enjoy the scenery since sleep would not oblige me.

I heaved a sigh of apprehension as we crossed the border into New York. Mark was near here…he wasn't in New York of course…but I was near him, I could feel it. Of course, it didn't matter. He wouldn't want to hear from me anyways. I mean I hadn't sent a letter, I hadn't called him, I hadn't reached him in any way. He probably hated me…a wave of grief washed over me at the thought of Mark despising me. Of course, then again…maybe he didn't even notice I was gone, maybe he was glad I was gone! Another wave of grief hit me, and I couldn't decide which was worse. Mark hating me, or Mark forgetting me?

"You okay boss?" Adam asked, peering into my pain-stricken face.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine kid. Just tired, ya know." I bluffed.

A skeptical look surfaced on Adam's face, and suddenly I realized that this kid knew a lot more than any of us gave him credit for

"Tired, right. Well, we have five hours, you could sleep." Adam went along with my charade.

"Sleep? With this next to me?" I pointed to Jesse, who was still practically bouncing up and down in excitement.

Adam laughed and then sighed, "I guess so. Well, I'm here if you need me boss." Adam said placing a friendly hand on my shoulder.

Man, for a 16 year old this kid was wise beyond his years.

"Alright kiddo." I ruffled his blonde hair and he pushed my hand away with a smile.

I took another gulp of my coffee and tried to enter dreamland, if not for the rest then for the short escape of the world.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys! Back again with another exciting chapter. So the song in here is from Superchick, awesome song btw. So yeah- enjoy and please review! 

Chapter 5: In Inches

Mark POV

"The nights get cooolder, suddenly you're oooolder-" Maureen sang as we headed home for fall break.

"Mo, please stop it with that ridiculous song." I pleaded.

"Mark! It is not ridiculous! It's a classic…and it's great for heartache." Maureen argued as we cruised on down the road to Scarsdale.

"You're not heartbroken!" I protested playfully.

"Well…I could be…one day." She pouted.

"Not with that face." I put my index finger under her chin and lifted her face to mine and laid a gentle kiss on her lips.

A small smile crossed her face, and then her face turned to the floor again.

"What?" I asked.

"I wrote 2 songs." She said softly.

"Oh?"

"For this class…we got in pairs- one singer and one musician and we had to create a couple songs."

"Are they good?"

"I dunno." She shrugged.

Maureen was never this shy, why was she so quiet right now?

"Can I hear them?"

"If you want. They're about you…"

"Really?" I was flattered.

"…and Roger."

"Oh…"

"See I wrote the lyrics last year and my partner got a look at them and had the music come to her…you're not mad are you?"

"No, no. I'm not mad. I'm intrigued. Sing them to me?"

Mo nodded and put a tape into my tape player.

A single electric guitar sounded through my car and then a drum beat followed. I pulled the car into a gas station parking lot and turned it off as Mo began to sing.

"Maybe he'll change, maybe things'll get better", her crystal clear voice rang through my car. Her eyes focused on the gas station, avoiding my eyes at all costs.

"Maybe it would be nice, if he wouldn't always put you down." Wait, Roger never put me down.

"Maybe things'll work out, but maybe they'll never, and I think you've given him the benefit of the doubt." A lump rose to my throat. _Maybe they'll never…_"You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head

Which means not at allYou have too much to give, to live to waste your time on himYou need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your headWhich means not at all

You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him."

The music took over the speakers for a moment and I tried to regain some of my composure.

"Maybe he'll change, if you could be better

But maybe it's not your fault, he's checking out the waitress now

But someday you'll change, one day you're stronger

And you will have changed enough that it's time to get out

You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head

Which means not at all

You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him

You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head

Which means not at all

You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him

You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head

Which means not at all

You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him

You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head

Which means not at all

You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him."

Maureen's mouth closed and the music came to a stop. She looked up at me, her eyes full of concern and worry, she inched towards me a bit.

"What do you think?"

What did I think? I think it hurt. I think that my heart felt broken all over again. I was just starting to forget the all to familiar pain of heartache, but now it was back with a vengeance.

"Roger never put me down." I said softly.

"Yes he di-"

"No. He didn't." I said loudly.

"He didn't call you for a year, he didn't see you or anything and you were depressed that whole time! How is that not putting you down?"

I sighed. She was right of course.

"He never checked out a waitress."

"I know…but it rhymed and worked so…"

"It was good."

"Wanna hear the other one?"

"Maybe later Mo. Let's just get home right now." I turned the car on and tried to focus on anything but the words that kept resounding in my head.

_Maybe things'll work out, but maybe they'll never, and I think you've given him the benefit of the doubt…_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: In Miles

Roger POV

New York City- 43 the road sign read. Only a few more miles and I'd be home. Scarsdale was only two hours away from Manhattan. Of course…Providence was more. But maybe he didn't go to Brown, maybe he took my advice…or maybe he did want to go. I sighed. I had been "maybe-ing" for the past hour and instead of getting anywhere, I was "maybe-ing" my maybes.

"What's up Boss?" I heard Adam say, sitting next to me at the table in the bus.

"Not much kiddo, just…coming home ya know? It's…"

"Weird?" Adam suggested.

"Exactly."

"You gonna visit family and stuff?"

"Um…maybe."

"I can't wait to see my parents, and my little sister. I haven't seen them since they let me go on tour."

I smiled. "That's great kid." I slapped Adam on the back.

Adam sighed. "Okay, out with it Boss."

I cocked one eyebrow.

"You're sad, or depressed…or mad…well, whatever the emotion- it's not good. So what's up?" Adam peered.

I attempted a smile. "Nothing kid, I guess I'm just nervous about going home."

"Didja have a fight with your mom or something about going on tour?"

An unexpected laugh escaped my lips. "My mom wasn't happy about my going on tour, but she supported my decision."

"So why're you nervous?"

I sighed. "I had a kind of…falling out with a friend. And I'm just wondering if he'll still be home or not, that kind of stuff." He hoped that was enough to hold the 16-year-old.

"Oh. Mark, right?"

"Huh?"

"The friend- it's Mark, right?"

"…Maybe…"

"I remember you always hanging out with him, talking about him and stuff. You didn't call him from the bus though. Did you send him letters?" Adam asked hopefully.

I looked down, trying to escape his hopeful gaze. "Not…exactly."

"Not exactly as in- not at all?"

I reluctantly nodded.

"Why?"

"It's complicated kid."

"It always is Boss," Adam pat me on the shoulder. "It always is." He got up, leaving the me to think and go back to my maybe-ing.

43 miles and a few hours later, we were setting up for our first gig in the city at a bar aptly named, "Hometown Pub". While the techies sorted out wires and hooked up equipment, I wondered outside to a payphone. I slipped in a few coins and dialed my mom's number. I told her we were in town, and she squeeled in excitement for a while before setting up a time the next day that I could drop by. I hung up and then took a deep breath. I achingly placed another few coins in and dialed the number that had stayed ingrained in my mind for the past year, the number that would forever to stay etched in my mind.

"Hello? Cohen residence." His mother picked up.

"Um, hi. Is, is Mark there?" I nervously played with the probably disease-ridden phone cord.

"No he's still at school this time of year, may I take a message?"

"School, school like college? School like Brown, like Brown University?"

"Yes, that would be the school he is at. May I ask who's calling?"

"Just an old friend. Thank you." He hung up before Mrs. Cohen could say anything more.

He went. He wasn't here. He was in Rhode Island. His heart was in Rhode Island.

Roger drifted back into the bar dazed.

"He's not coming, is he Boss?"

"No kiddo, he's not."

That night playing for a semi-hometown audience, I focused all of my thoughts on the music. I threw all my effort in focusing on each note, each chord and no matter how hard I tried- all my thoughts drifted back to were Mark. Until…I saw blue eyes stand out in the crowd. And though the face attached to them weren't Mark, those eyes still looked like Mark's. The girl was starring at me, so I smiled a bit and she smiled back. She wasn't Mark…but maybe she was the next best thing.

He name was April and she was beautiful. And not just beautiful in a 'I wanna fuck her' way, though she definitely was that kind of beautiful…but she was also a beautiful person with the way that she could light up a room with her laugh, and with the way she looked so cute in my jacket when it was cold outside, and with the way her eyes looked right after we kissed. Though I still loved Mark more than anything (after all, I had only started liking her for her/Mark's eyes), I was starting to love April too. She went on tour with us, after both of us being convinced we had something between us after our first meeting. She hung out with the bad like she had known us for years. She would always make sure we had water and stuff backstage before a show, would always make sure we didn't trash hotel rooms too badly, and she would always be in the front row cheering us on. When the band started doing drugs, she joined in. I stayed out at first, thinking back to all of my mother's speeches about drugs and the horrible things they did to your body. She was a nurse, and she knew what they could do to totally fuck up your system. So she got high with the guys while I laughed at the stupid things that they did that they wouldn't remember in the morning.

She was also there when we got "the call". The call that changed bands careers; that put bands on the top- the call that would change my life forever. We had auditioned at hundreds of places, most of them being crappy bars and clubs, but some of them being The Pyramid Club, and most importantly- CBGBs. We got a call saying that there was a spot open and they said if we wanted to play it, we could. Psyched could not even begin to describe the way we felt that day. Our bus immediately set out for New York, merely two months after we had gone home and left, we were returning again.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: So here are a couple of chapters with a change in Chapter 4- hope all like it. R&R please? Pouts Pretty pleeeease?

* * *

Chapter 7: In Laughter

Mark's POV

Most kids are happy when school breaks come. Well, I was never one of those kids. Having to choose between going to school where I wasn't suffocated every minute of the day or staying home being constantly watched by my family wasn't much of a choice for me. I would have much rather stayed at my dorm, or even gone home with Benny. Sadly, my father knew Brown's schedule and therefore knew I had a Fall break, so I had to go home.

So I greeted the end of Fall Break happily and escaped my family's clutches as soon as I possibly could; and as soon as I pulled away from my house, I erupted into laughter. I started laughing so hard that tears formed in my eyes and I had to pull of the road so I wouldn't crash. I could finally go back to Brown and not have to listen to my mother talk about how Cindy was getting married soon, or how I should start looking for a ring for Maureen. I didn't have to watch football with my dad or endure visits from relatives I didn't even know. I could now go back to my dorm, and live my life. After my fit of laughter ended, I pulled back onto the road and went the 2 blocks down to pick up Maureen.

"Hey Pookie!" She greeted me with a peck on the cheek.

"Hey Mo."

"Mark, so nice to see you!" Her mother greeted me.

"You too Mrs. Johnson." I smiled politely.

"So Brown, huh? That's a pretty nice school."

"Yeah, I like it there." I shrugged.

"Wish Maureen would have worked harder, maybe she could have joined you."

"Mom, I'm going to NYU- isn't that good enough?" Maureen whined.

"It's good enough, yes dear. But Brown is better than 'good enough'. Brown is, well it's _Brown_."

Maureen rolled her eyes and jumped in my car. "Good bye Mother!" She called out the window. I waved good-bye and climbed into the driver's seat.

"God- I am so glad that Fall break is over!" Maureen sighed as we pulled onto the highway.

"Me too." I said laying a hand on top of hers.

An hour later, my hand was still in hers, and she started drumming on my hand with her free hand- a nervous habit.

"What's up?" I asked.

"…Mark?"

"…Yes?"

"Do you wanna hear the other song?"

"What oth- oh." Her first song replayed through my mind. _Maybe he'll never_, resounded through my head.

"It's okay if you don't, but I'd like your opinion…it means a lot to me." Maureen had let go of my hand.

I pulled off the interstate and into a Wendy's parking lot.

"Okay Mo. Go for it." I pushed the memory of the former song's lyrics out of my mind. Maybe this one would dwell on the happier points of my and Roger's relationship.

"Um, so…I wrote this one from your perspective. After Roger left." She inserted a tape into my tape player and a violin and bass started the song. Then Maureen looked at me, tears in her eyes and she started to sing.

"The saddest thing is you could be anything

That you could want

We could have been everything

But now we're not

Now it's not anything at all

The hardest part was getting this close to you

And giving up this dream I built with you

A fairytale that isn't coming true

You've got some growing up to do

I wish we could have worked it out

I wish I didn't have these doubts

I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now

I wish I didn't know inside

That it won't work out for you and I

I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye."

Maureen looked down and started fidgeting with the hem of her shirt before starting the second verse.

"After all the things you put me through

Tell me why I'm still in love with you

And why am I, why am I still waiting for your call

You broke my heart

I'm taking it back from you

And taking back the life I gave to you

Life goes on before and after you

I've got some growing up to do

I wish we could have worked it out

I wish I didn't have these doubts

I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now

I wish I didn't know inside

That it won't work out for you and I

I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye

It's time I said my last goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye

It's time I said my last goodbye

I wish we could have worked it out

I wish I didn't have these doubts

I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now

I wish I didn't know inside

That it won't work out for you and I

I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye

It's time I said my last goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye

It's time I said my last goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye

It's time I said my last goodbye."

The music stopped and Maureen's head slowly turned towards mine.

"What did you think?" She asked softly.

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. "It was good Mo. But…I'm not still in love with him." I lied, looking into her brown eyes.

"You...you're not?" She asked incredulously.

"No, see I'm kind of in love with someone else." I hinted, a smirk playing upon my lips.

"Oh, anyone I know?" She grinned

I leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss. "I love you." I said as I pulled away.

"I love you." She responded.

"You hungry?" I asked.

"Starving!" She answered, as I stepped out of the car.

We walked into the fast-food joint hand in hand, both smiling as if we were the perfect couple. But just like the last song, the new song stuck in my head. Certain lines running through my head as if it were some song on 'repeat'. _I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you were doing now, I wish I didn't know inside that it won't work out for you and I…It's time I said my last goodbye…_


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Soooo...if I have any loyal reviewers I'm sooo sorry it took forever to update. School is crazy and stuff. Chapter 8 is kinda long, and that explains why Chapter 9 is short. Hopefully I'll be wrapping this story up soon though. So please R&R. The song in here is by Relient K and it's a song about god but I used it for Mark. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 8: In Strife

**Roger's POV**

We were home…again. It didn't hurt as bad this time. After all I knew that Mark was a hundred miles away. So instead of a searing pain I only had the dull ache that had stayed with me from the moment I kissed him good-bye.

"Hey baby!" April said, slurring her words just slightly as she sat herself in my lap.

I smiled and wrapped my arms around her. "Hey yourself." I said with a small kiss, lingering, as I tasted the sweet bourbon on her lips. "When did we get bourbon?"

"When I _persuaded_some guys to buy it at the last gas station we stopped at", she gave me her coy smile.

"So you flashed 'em?" I asked, indifferent to the whole situation.

"But only you get to touch", she took me by the hand and led me to the only bedroom in the bus, changing the sign on the door to say 'do not disturb'.

An hour later, we were doing a sound check, ecstatic to simply be on stage at CGBGs. Adam smiled wildly as he ran his fingers over his drums. Jesse plucked a string on his bass, grinning as it resounded through the nearly empty club.

"Test 1, test 1…2…3…" I spoke into the mic.

"Real original Rog", Jesse scoffed. I flipped him the bird and went back to my 'testing'.

"Surreal, isn't it?" Adam said, suddenly appearing at my side.

"Mm hmm. Very. Check 1, 2, 3."

"How many people do you think'll be here?" He starred wide-eyed at the club.

"Well, we have a prime spot, so a lot. At the very least." I smiled at the boy whose dreams were coming true.

"My parents are coming ya know." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, they couldn't come to Chicago or anything, but this is easier and now they believe that I'm serious about this whole 'band' thing. It's CGBGs after all."

"I'm happy for ya kiddo." The stagehand gave me a thumbs-up, signaling the end of the sound check. "Well, rest up kiddo, we're on in two hours!" I said hopping off the stage and heading back to the dressing room.

The room was full of smoke, and in the middle of it all was April, a needle in her arm and a smirk on her face.

"Hm, good stuff?"

"Mmm", she moaned as the drug entered her system. "Want some?" She motioned to a baggie of white powder on the table.

"Um, not this time around. Maybe next time." I lied.

"Alright, you don't know what you're missing." Her head rolled back and her eyes closed, obviously in pleasure.

* * *

"Okay, so the line-up is posted here, so if you forget just look down." I tapped the list on the floor with my foot. 

Excitement had turned to anxiety and three pairs of scared eyes looked up at me.

"It'll be fine guys. We know this stuff front and back. We wrote it after all, now let's show 'em what we got." I tried a pep-talk, or at least something that resembled one. I threw my Fender around my neck, loving the familiar feel of the strings under my calloused fingers. I peeked a look at the crowd, scanning for any familiar faces or anyone who looked remotely important, important in the fact that they could offer us a record deal.

Then my eyes locked with crystal blue ones, ones I hadn't seen for a year. Ones I loved and longed to look into. He was here. My heart stopped, my brain froze, absent of any thought previously there.

"Boss? Hello? Roger!" I felt someone shaking me. I shook my head and saw Adam.

"What?"

"It's time, let's go."

I walked out on stage, the lights nearly blinding me. But not enough- I could still see those piercing blue eyes; and irony of ironys- the first song was titled "Home".

The show went by slowly. The whole time I was in another world. I wanted to be in the moment, I wanted to enjoy my moment in the spotlight; but two perfect blue eyes stole my attention and captivated me for the entire show.

Finally, we went into the last song. Unfortunately it was one I wrote about him, about Mark. Maybe I can make it through this without thinking of him…that's how I always approached the song before…but now? Now he was here. I was starring at him. Now all the emotions I had been trying to hide, to push away, affronted me. So I started the song, trying to pour all of my feelings through my voice, instead of having a flood of tears tell my story.

_Sometimes it's embarrassing to talk to you_

_To hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through_

_This version of myself_

_I try to hide behind_

_I'll bury my face because my disgrace will leave me terrified_

_And sometimes I'm so thankful for your loyalty_

_Your love regardless of_

_The mistakes I make will spoil me_

_My confidence is, in a sense, a gift you've given me_

_And I'm satisfied to realize you're all I'll ever need_

_You looked into my life and never stopped_

_And you're thinking all my thoughts_

_Are so simple, but so beautiful_

_And you recite my words right back to me_

_Before I even speak_

_You let me know, I am understood_

_And sometimes I spend my time_

_Just trying to escape_

_I work so hard so desperately, in an attempt to create space_

_Cause I want distance from the utmost important thing I know_

_I see your love, then turn my back and beg for you to go_

_You're the only one who understands completely_

_You're the only one knows me yet still loves completely_

_And sometimes the place I'm at is at a loss for words_

_If I think of something worthy I know that its already yours_

_And through the times I've faded and you've outlined me again_

_You've just patiently waited, to bring me back and then_

_The noise has broken my defense_

_Let me embrace salvation_

_Your voice has broken my defense_

_Let me embrace salvation_

Mark turned away, he wiped at his eyes with his sleeve and relief surged through me. Maybe he liked the song- maybe after I poured my heart out like that, maybe- just maybe he'd take me back? Maybe things would go back to how they were. I ripped off my guitar and set it on its stand. I held up a hand at Adam, meaning I'd be back in five minutes. Adam mouthed 'good luck'.

"Hey baby! Great show!" April slung herself over my shoulder as soon as I hopped off the stage.

"Thanks babe, listen, I'll be right back." I shrugged her off and weaved through the crowd until I spotted Mark, and now I noticed Collins was with him.

"Mark!"

Mark's eyes glistened as he looked up at me. A glimmer of a smile shined through his eyes, but his lips remained in a set, straight line.

"Mark?"

"Roger. Good to see you're still alive." His voice sounded cold and distant.

"Yeah", I rubbed the back of my neck. "I know I didn't exactly keep in touch or anything-"

"Yeah you know, a postcard woulda been nice. Or a call every, oh I don't know, two months?"

"Mark, I'm sorry."

"Uh, I'm gonna step outside. Good to see ya Hollywood." Collins said.

"You too Thomas." He slapped me on the back and then gave a sad smile as he wandered away.

After he was gone, I took Mark's arm and pulled him over to a quieter corner.

"I'm sorry Mark. I really am."

Mark brushed off my grip on his arm. "Whatever Roger. I don't care."

"That's a lie. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I didn't know if you went to Brown or some other school."

"You had my home phone number, you could have gotten my number easily." Mark looked at the crowd in the middle of the room.

"You're right…but I've been so busy. I mean, look at me! _CGBGs_ Mark! It's amazing!"

"I know Rog. It is."

"But now we can exchange numbers, or addresses and stuff!" I grabbed his shoulders gently.

"Um, yeah. Sure." He still wouldn't look my in the eyes.

"Isn't that good Mark?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"Look at me." I said softly.

Sad blue eyes starred up from under blonde eyelashes.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong."

"Then why are you sad?"

"I'm not sad."

"Are too."

"Are not."

"Are too."

"Are- I am not sad. Annoyed a little, but not sad."

"Are you happy?"

"Sure, yeah. I'm happy."

"You don't seem it."

"Well, I'm a very introverted person."

I pursed my lips and crossed my arms.

"Sometimes…" He fidgeted with his hands.

"What's up Mark?" I stepped closer to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

He closed his eyes and stepped back, away from me. I furrowed my brow and peered at him.

"I'm…not single."

"Oh. Well, neither am I…I guess. But I'd leave her in a second if I could have you back Mark." I took a step toward him.

He stepped back. "Well…I wouldn't...leave my girlfriend."

"You…" I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You love her?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"It's M…Maureen. It's Maureen." His gaze met mine.

"Of course." I scoffed.

"What do you mean 'of course'?" His voice rose.

"I mean you always loved her! I could see it in your eyes. The way she hung all over you, you adored her! And she adored you of course. I knew it would happen eventually. I guess I just hoped that you would have waited for me. I called your mom today and found out you were at Brown. I was gonna call Collins, and I was gonna call Mo even, Mark- I was gonna find you. I guess I just hoped…"

"Roger, I-"

All of the sudden a mass of curly brown hair appeared out of the blue and attacked me.

"Roger!" She hugged me. She pulled back and I saw it was Maureen.

"Hey Mo."

She took Mark's hand in her own and smiled. "How are you?"

I winced at their contact. "I'm fine."

"Didja hear? Me and Marky are dating!" She announced to all of New York.

"Yeah, uh, congrats."

"Thanks! Great show by the way. Loved that last song! It was so moving! Like you actually felt those emotions at that moment!"

"Yeah, imagine that." I shot a longing glance at Mark who looked longingly back. Of course, I could have mistaken longing for loathing. After all, I thought he didn't like Maureen.

"Well, good to see you again. We should exchange digits and stuff, catch up, ya know?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure." I mumbled.

"What is your number?" The diva said, pen in hand and palm open.

"Um, I can't really say right now. See, we're on a bus so phone service is shotty at best. But I can take your number." I whipped out a pen I used for autographing and pulled up my sleeve.

"Ok, mine is 567-246-7742, Marky's is 463-663-6427."

I air-wrote while Mo recited her number and quickly scrawled Mark's on my forearm.

"Well, Marky and me have to go find Collins and get going. Class on Monday you know…or well, whatever."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Great seeing you though Roger!" Maureen hugged me and then skipped off to find Collins.

"Well, I'll call you for sure." I promised Mark.

"Yeah, well then I'll talk to you later." Mark mumbled, finding his shoes exceedingly interesting.

"Hey Mark?"

"Hm?"

"I'd give it all up for you."

"What?"

"The fame, the money, the girl…I'd give them all up for you, if you wanted me to."

"Roger, I have a girlfriend, I'm at a great school, I even have a few friends."

"Yeah…suburban yuppie scum bags."

"Yeah? Well_ I'm_one of them! Roger, we're both doing fine with our own lives. You live yours, and I'll live mine. That's how it should stay." Mark's gaze was resolute, his voice stern and sure.

"Alright…well, have a good life." I gave a half-hearted wave and trudged back to the stage.

The band had already adjourned to the green room, so I stormed back to find a room full of smoke and groupies among my girlfriend and band mates. Once I adjusted to the smoke, I saw almost all of my band mates with needles in their arms and latex wrapped around their upper arms.

"Hey baby" April swooned.

"Hey." I grumbled.

"You look sad." April pouted. "Wanna feel better?" She put on a seductive smile.

After all this time, and Mark was really gone. I had no real reason to live, or at least happily. I mean, yeah- I had the band, but without Mark what was I working for? The fame was nice, and the money was needed, but after the band starts dropping off the charts and we get all washed up, what good was it all if I lost the only one I ever loved? Mark didn't care about me anyway, he wouldn't care if I died. The drugs could do that over time. Maybe I wanted to die…or at least escape the pain for a little while.

I nodded. She sat me down next to her and filled her now empty needle with liquid.

"It'll only sting a little, and then you're in heaven." She expertly tied the band around my arm, and then with as much finesse as a junkie on a high could have, she injected the drug into my vein. I winced as the toxic chemicals entered my bloodstream, the needle sting still present. After a moment however, I felt like I was on a cloud- a fluffy cloud where nothing could go wrong.

"Wooooooooow. This is niiiiiiiiiiiice." I moaned as I laid back on the sofa, a sensation like no other invading my body. Why hadn't I tried this earlier? No wonder April was so happy all the time!

"See baby?" April stroked my chin. She kissed my cheek and then whispered into my ear, "_told you_".


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: In Truth that She Learned

**Mark POV**

How could he have expected me to wait? I mean, it was over a year! Over a year with no phone calls and no contact at all, and he expected me to put my life on hold? Did he? He has a girlfriend! He has a life! Of course…

_"I would give it all up for you."_

Those words still rang in my head. How is it that single frames from one magic night forever flicker in close-up on the 3-D Imax of my mind? Hey, that was kinda poetic. Geez, I'm pathetic! Sitting here thinking about a guy I just left. Why did I leave him? I love him, I know I do.

_"You live your life, and I'll live mine."_

That's right…I have a life apart from him. I'm with Mo. Maureen Johnson- every man's dream. Then there's Roger- every woman's dream. How did I end up with both of them? Maybe beautiful people are attracted to cameramen, maybe it's something about the camera that just draws them in. And then, when they get a better offer such as a tour, they ditch the poor cameraman. Maybe she'll ditch me too…Nah, I've known Mo since forever. Even if we do break-up, we'd still be friends. I'm sure of that.

"Marky?"

Mo snapped me out of my contemplation. We were all at Collins' dorm, chilling. Collins was reading some textbook, Maureen was watching his room mate's TV and studying her nails, and I was sitting here…in a chair…thinking. This was a new low.

"Yeah?"

"You ok?" She looked up at me from where she was sitting on the ground.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" I put on a convincing smile and ran a hand through her hair.

"You just haven't said anything since we left the club. Since we saw Roger…"

"Well, I'm just thinking."

"You still love him don't you?"

"Who?"

"Roger dumbass."

"No."

"Mark." She laid her head on my knee.

"I don't! I love you!" I lifted her head into my hands and starred her in the eye. "I. Love. You."

"I know that." She pulled my hands away from her face and held them in hers. "I loved you since you were like 5, and you've loved me. But you're in love with him. Aren't you?"

She was right. But I'm sure that over time I could fall in love with her. I had to. "Yes, that was true. _Was._ But now, I'm in love with you. Only you." I kissed her palms.

She peered into my eyes, a coy smile playing on her lips. Then something changed, her eyes got misty. She looked away and laid her hands quietly in her lap. She didn't say anything. We both knew what she saw in my eyes.

I can detach myself unnaturally well. I can push away emotions and keep them at bay for a long time. But unlike some, who can hide their emotions deep inside them, I can't. My eyes betray me every time. Roger knew, Maureen knew, my parents knew. One look into my eyes, and my emotions were all there. In black and white, and of course blue.


End file.
